Here at Mommy Prayers headquarters and cider-donut repository, every day feels like a maze of one sort or another, so I feel compelled to come to the defense of the hapless family currently being ridiculed nationwide for calling 911 to be rescued from a corn maze. (Punchline: They were only 25 feet from the entrance, ba-da-dum.)
They’re catching especial hatred for having a three-week-old infant with them, with comments along the lines of “who brings a newborn to a corn maze at dusk?” and “those people should not be allowed to procreate,” etc. etc.
It’s not till you read that they also have a preschooler that the story makes more sense — and boy, did it bring back some baaaaad memories.
For about three weeks after the birth of his brother, Firstborn was a child possessed. He wouldn’t play, wouldn’t be read to, refused to watch TV, wouldn’t cuddle, couldn’t nap, just physically could not settle down for one moment of peace.
In dealing with this suddenly crazy child — on top of the feeding, changing, and night-waking with a newborn — Mr. Mommy Prayers and I definitely made some whacked-out decisions.
I remember standing at the bottom of a playground slide one frigid winter Sunday, weeping openly. It had taken us literally the entire day to get out of the house, between one child or the other melting down, or needing to sleep, or be fed, or changed. I was wearing the baby, but it was so cold and he was so still, I was sure he was dead. Meanwhile, his insane brother stood at the top of the slide, refusing to come down, even as the light faded and the temperature dropped. Believe me, if I could have moved my fingers, I would have called 911 to get that kid off that slide.
So take pity on the corn maze family. Probably they woke up exhausted that morning and said, “What the hell are we going to do with these kids all day? Let’s go to the corn maze. That will be fun.”
12 hours later, not fun. At which point they say “f*** it, call 911.” Too bad the cops didn’t interrogate the big brother, because dollars to donuts, he’s the one that made them do it.